His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
