Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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