Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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