I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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