Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
