You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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