I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
