this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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