Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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