I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He better not be in your backpack
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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