Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
