Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
