dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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