dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
