Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
either way he was missing a nipple.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize