My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
