Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
