he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
