did you get engaged???
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
