6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize