I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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