over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
