I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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