if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
