Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
