That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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