I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
