oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
