Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
