Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
