Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
