Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
