Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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