first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
