worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize