apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize