Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm eating all of the evidence.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Welp...herpes.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
