Who wears a wallet chain?!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
