My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
