It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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