when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The adults are the big ones right?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize