I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
