I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
