Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
