you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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