I saw his package. It spoke to me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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