I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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