Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
