Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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