You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
