She is in my trunk
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
