I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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