I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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