y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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