Apparently you make a good broom.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
