how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
