I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
