I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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