I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
