Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
