aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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