my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
