Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
