cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
