My liver just broke up with me...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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