i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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