You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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