Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
