Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
there is glitter all over my balls
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
