Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
